Back to December
by This Tiny Miss Anna
Summary: On a cold winter night, is it possible to mend broken hearts?   Peeta's POV. Post-Mockingjay, pre-epilogue.   My first fan fiction, so please be gentle with me : .   Enjoy reading!


Back to December

1 year. 1 year since the love of my life left me heartbroken. Until now, I have to admit, it still hurts me. Hurts me worse than a tracker jacker's sting and when I lost blood in the Games. All the memories are still fresh, and so is the wound in my heart. It seems like yesterday when it all happened.

I was sitting behind the counter of my bakery, watching the snow fall when the door opened. It was Katniss. I was stunned to see her.

"Hey," said Katniss.

"Hey," I said, trying to make my smile look real. "So, what made you drop by? Come on in, it's cold out there."

Katniss went in. I don't know why, but I suddenly felt my stomach churning.

"Nice bakery. I really love your paintings, you know," she told me, surveying them.

"You want some cheese buns?" I ask her.

"No thanks. I guess you did these by yourself, didn't you?" she tells me, smiling.

Oh, that smile I can never resist. I tell her with a REAL smile this time, "Yes. How did you know?"

"Nothing, it's just my instincts. Because I know you're a smashing painter, maybe."

I chuckled at her statement. The way she used the word "smashing" was really cute. So I told her in reply, without me looking at her, "Thanks. Painting them took my mind off things. Took the loneliness out of me somehow, even for a short time."

I looked up in her eyes and she can't meet my gaze. I decided to change the subject since she looked uncomfortable.

"Uh, Katniss, you haven't told me what brought you here yet."

"Oh, that. I just wanted to visit you, that's all. Do some catching up."

"Oh, okay. But, Katniss, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"I know you're hiding something from me."

"Uhm, let me just sing it. It makes me feel less nervous."

"Sure."

Oh yeah, I'm gonna hear her voice again. The reason why she had me since we were five. The moment she opened her mouth to sing, my whole world stopped.

I'm so glad you made time to see me

How's life? Tell me, how's your family?

I haven't seen them in a while

You've been good, busier than ever

We small talk, work and the weather

Your guard is up and I know why

I thought about those days. I wasn't really good after she left. I just tried to look okay even if I wasn't. Katniss, if you only knew how I feel…

Because the last time you saw me

Is still burned in the back of your mind

You gave me roses, and I left them there to die

I can't believe that she thinks I forgot her. She doesn't know how hard it was for me to remove her out of my mind, and now at this very moment, still struggling to do so.

So this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night

And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I go back to December, turn around and make it alright

I go back to December all the time

Oh, that night a year ago. The night my heart shattered to pieces.

_*flashback*_

_Peeta and Katniss were sitting on a couch, his arm around her and her head on his shoulder._

"_Katniss, you know I love you right?"_

"_Yes, I do. You know I love you too, don't you?"_

"_Of course. Kill me if I don't." said Peeta. They both chuckled at the thought._

"_You know I can't kill you," said Katniss looking at him._

_There was a long pause of silence._

_*to be continued*_

These days, I haven't been sleeping

Staying up, playing back myself leaving

When your birthday passed, and I didn't call

And I think about the summer, all the beautiful times

I watched you laughing from the passenger's side

And I realized I loved you in the fall

Suddenly, the memories flood me all over again. That summer morning when Katniss and I went to the lake and had a picnic. That cool autumn afternoon when she told me she loves me. I felt a sudden pang of happiness reminiscing those.

And then the cold came, the dark days

When fear crept into my mind

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

_*continuation of flashback*_

_Katniss finally broke the silence. "Peeta?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_I'm going to tell you something."_

"_Sure, go on then."_

"_I don't think I deserve you."_

"_What? Why?" said Peeta, his eyebrows furrowing._

"_I don't think I deserve you. It's not that I don't appreciate your love, but, I don't think I can love you the way you do."_

"_You deserve me, Katniss. You think I'd wait 11 long years for nothing? No, I didn't. I waited because I didn't want to force you. I want you to find your real feelings by yourself."_

_Another long pause. Neither of them wanted to speak._

"_Uhm, Peeta, can I ask you something again?"_

"_Go ask."_

"_Wouldn't you mind if you give me some space? I mean, for me to find my real feelings by myself."_

_Peeta's heart sank at her words. But because he loves her, he wouldn't do anything to upset her._

"_I wouldn't."_

"_Thank you, Peeta."_

_Peeta kissed her forehead and held her close. _If this is the last time I'll ever be with her again, might as well make it count_, he thought. They just sat there, saying nothing, holding each other._

_Katniss broke away from Peeta's arms and stood up. "It's getting late. I think I should go."_

"_Okay. Take care, alright? Good night."_

"_Good night," said Katniss, before opening the door._

"_Good night, sweet dreams to you."_

"_Sweet dreams to you too," and with that, Katniss went out the door._

_Peeta closed the door quietly. The moment he got up to his bedroom, tears streamed down his face. Alone, he sobbed quietly, as if he just woke from a nightmare, without Katniss to comfort him and make it go away._

_*end of flashback*_

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile

So good to me, so right

And how you held me in your arms that September night

The first time you ever saw me cry

_*flashback (missing moment from Catching Fire)*_

_Peeta woke up because he heard someone screaming. "Katniss," he thought. He went to her room and saw her crying in her sleep. "Must be a nightmare," he muttered to himself so he shook Katniss for her to wake up._

"_Katniss, it's me Peeta. Shhhhh, it's not real. I'm here now," whispered Peeta and Katniss opened her eyes._

"_Thank you Peeta," said Katniss softly and Peeta scooted over beside her and wrapped his arms around her, letting her sob into his shirt. They stayed in that position until Katniss finally stopped crying. When Peeta saw that Katniss wasn't crying anymore, he said while standing up, "I think I should go back to my room now."_

_Katniss grabbed him softly by the arm with pleading eyes and said, "Can you stay with me tonight? I mean, to make the nightmares go away. I just don't want them to come back."_

_Peeta hesitated for a moment but finally gave in; he smiled and said, "Okay, nobody wants nightmares so I'll stay with you."_

_He climbed up beside Katniss and pulled the sheets over them. His arms went around her once again and Katniss felt much better. He held her, both of them silent, until they dozed off finally._

_*end of flashback*_

Maybe this is wishful thinking

Probably mindless dreaming

But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't

So if the chain is on your door, I understand

This is me swallowing my pride

Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night

And I go back to December

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I go back to December turn around and make it alright

I go back to December turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time

When she was finished, I was mesmerized by her voice again. It made me understand what she really meant to say through that song. I took it all in, processed all of it, and figured out what I'm going to say.

After a long moment of silence, Katniss finally spoke.

"I'm really sorry for leaving you that night. I was so stupid I even did that. Seeing you almost every day of my life just made it harder for me to hate you."

"No, you're not stupid. It's fine with me. I'm glad you found it by yourself."

"But, Peeta?"

"Hmmm?"

"I just figured out something."

"And what is that?"

"I just figured out that I need you for me to live. That I love you and this is for real now. I know it sounds cheesy, but —"

Peeta cut her off, kissing her softly. He broke away and said, "No more buts, okay?"

"But, you did know that all I said earlier was true, right?"

"Yes. Do you think I'd endured a year not seeing you for nothing?"

"No, of course not. I just can't believe the fact that someone was really willing to wait for me and be with me no matter what. Why are you so good, Peeta?"

"Maybe because I tried to be a good person since we were young for you to notice me?"

They laughed and hugged, their foreheads leaning against another.

"I missed you a lot, you know," said Katniss.

"You make it sound that I didn't feel the same too," said Peeta, and both of them chuckled.

"Shut up," said Katniss, still smiling, "I didn't say anything like that."

"Never mind, we already have each other now," said Peeta, "but, do you want some of my famous cheese buns?"

Katniss laughed and said, "Why would I turn down my favourite? But I don't think I want to eat now."

"Okay, if you say so. We can just stay like this until you want to."

"Let's just stay like this for a while then."

They just stood there, arms wrapped around each other, never minding the cold winter weather, saying nothing. Broken hearts were mended. The happiness they felt can't be measured, for they just ended an age of sadness and are about to start a new chapter in their life, together once again.


End file.
